Introduction
Hi, I’m Robert Williams, and I’m here to share my story of battling Expert Imposter Syndrome. I’m a 42-year-old IT professional who has experienced success in my career but has struggled with feelings of fraudulence and self-doubt. I hope that by sharing my journey, I can help others who may be facing similar struggles.
The Origin of My Struggle
My Expert Imposter Syndrome started way back in my freshman year of high school. I was a straight-A student and always worked hard, but that didn’t stop my Geography teacher from calling me a “slacker.”
This label stuck with me and made me doubt my abilities and wonder if I was really as smart as I thought I was. But then something strange happened – she later called me in after class and told me that my work on an assignment I put a lot of effort into was the best in the class. She said she thought I was holding back and that she believed I could do even more. This was a confusing time for me as I struggled to understand what she saw in me that I couldn’t see in myself.
Major Change
Coasting through high school as a straight-A student, I set my sights on a Mechanical Engineering major. The Mechanical Engineer program required 24 units of math courses and 20 units of science courses. I struggled with my Introduction to Chemistry course and an entry-level Algebra course after performing poorly on the placement exams. I didn’t think I’d be able to ever pass all of the required courses to complete my major.
The difficulty I experienced during my freshman year of college was shocking, shattering my confidence, and amplifying my feelings of impostership. After failing those introductory courses, I began to question whether a degree in Mechanical Engineering was the right path for me. The thought of having to take even more math and science courses was daunting and I was struggling to see myself succeeding in the field. It was then that I decided to pivot to the Information Systems major within the Business school.
At first, it felt like I was giving up or taking the easier path, but as I dove into my new coursework, I quickly realized that I had a knack for understanding programming fundamentals. I was determined to excel in this new field and found myself enjoying it more and more each day. It was a turning point for me and I was grateful for the opportunity to discover a passion that I never would have found if I had stayed in the engineering program. I persevered and graduated with a BBA degree.
Challenges in my IT Career
As I progressed in my IT career, I faced new challenges that triggered my expert imposter syndrome. I often felt uncomfortable speaking up during meetings. Furthermore, I feared that my thoughts and ideas were not fully developed or could be flawed. I also felt I didn’t have enough information to confidently respond to questions, both written and verbal.
My insecurities would cause me to preface my responses with hesitant phrases like “To the best of my knowledge…”, or “I’m not completely certain, but…” which only reinforced my self-doubt. This made me feel like a fraud, even though I knew that I was knowledgeable and competent in my field. The constant nagging voice in my head made me feel like I was always being evaluated and judged.
It’s been nearly 20 years since I first entered the workforce and my IT career has seen a steady rise of responsibilities and promotions. Despite the growing list of accomplishments, certifications, and promotions the Imposter Syndrome still persists.
Today, after earning an MBA while working full time and over 10 successful IT certification exams under my belt, you would think I would feel confident in my abilities. But the truth is, I still struggle with that nagging feeling of not being good enough. I find myself constantly second-guessing my decisions and ideas, always worried that someone is going to find out that I don’t really know what I’m doing.
It’s a frustrating and exhausting feeling, but I continue to push forward, striving for higher education and professional growth. I remind myself of how far I’ve come and all the challenges I’ve overcome, from a rocky start in my freshman year of college to dealing with my fear of speaking up in meetings. It’s a constant battle, but one that I’m determined to win.
Dealing with Expert Imposter Syndrome
So, how do I deal with these feelings of fraudulence and self-doubt? Well, I have a few tips that have helped me along the way.
First, I remind myself of my qualifications and achievements. I have a list of all the things I’ve accomplished in my career and life, and I read it every time I start to feel like a fraud. This helps me to remember all the hard work I’ve put in and all the reasons why I deserve my success.
Second, I focus on the process, not the outcome. When feeling overwhelmed, it’s easy to focus on the end result, but that’s not helpful. Instead, I focus on the process and the steps I’m taking to get there. I celebrate my successes along the way, no matter how small they are.
Finally, I make a conscious effort to to give myself a break. I stop comparing myself to others and stop being so hard on myself. I know that I’m doing the best I can, and that’s all anyone can ask for.
Conclusion
In conclusion, Expert Imposter Syndrome is a real struggle, but it’s a struggle that I have learned to manage. By reminding myself of my qualifications and achievements, focusing on the process, and giving myself a break, I have come to realize that I’m not a fraud. I’m a success, and I deserve all the recognition and success that has come my way.
